Cancer impacts you because you are the patient but cancer also impacts your friends and families. Now that sounds like a no brainer but we often are so busy taking care of the patient that we forget the ripple effect on everyone else. Family structure is rattled and roles may change. Finances may have always been an issue but now it is even more so. Just keeping up with co-pays can be daunting. Talking about it can be even harder. Cancer is not just a routine topic of conversation and finances are not easy to bring up when you have a person fighting for their life. Relationships either sink or swim as the saying goes. It can strengthen or strain the existing relationship. Priorities change and you may have to consider where the patient will stay if not at home or if at home, how to accomodate the patient. The stairs to the bedroom may be ruled out and a bed downstairs and even a potty chair may be in line. If you live alone, gather your friends around and admit that you will need help with rides, household chores and errands. If you have a caregiver, that caregiver will need a break in the midst of all this as well. Most people are not comfortable just bringing all their issues or concerns up especially in a group of people they are not familiar with but support groups and individual counseling can help you and your family deal with the issues that cancer raises. It takes so much time and effort to avoid talking about the cancer and it is so much more beneficial to get it all out on the table. This may take time and you may need to have someone help direct the conversation to the point that the cancer is openly discussed and cares and concerns can be vented. Often you hear the patient say, I am trying to protect my family from this all but it is the elephant in the room and it needs to be brought out so that the family can all help deal with the issues that arises. I know that when my dad was passing with lung cancer, it was not something my parents would talk about to each other, but on the other hand, Dad did talk to me and we had hours of wonderful chats about life, health, passing, futures and just loving supportive communication. It is especially hard when the children in the family are very young and have a hard time assimilating the information. Cancer changes things but with help and direction it can open a door to even a deeper, more loving, and understanding relationship. I have never regretted asking my dad how it felt and what he thought about dying. We said everything we needed and wanted to say to each other, we laughed and cried together and did it all over again. It was the best life lesson I ever had. I still feel his presence today and every day. Help someone open up their conversations and help to make it a lasting moment that they too will treasure forever. S
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Although I have survived from cancer still I can't come out of that nightmare.It is distressing.Knowing that you are a cancer patient is not a problem compared to society getting to know it.Only relief was that my family remained with me during most crucial circumstances of my life.There were instances where I had no more hopes to live but my family continuously carried my Cancer Treatments.The reason why I live today..
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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