Most times when someone meets me they ask how long? How long since my cancer? And then when I tell them the amount of years which is presently at 6 and counting, they remark well you made it past five. Odd way to congratulate you on something you have no control over. What is even more odd that most people still hold on to that idea that if you are five years clean, you have it made. That number no longer exists and so when I am asked how long, I hesitate and think how fortunate to have one more day. Oh yes, there are statistics and percentages and all that jazz but I didn't fall into a high risk area to get cancer so I don't put much faith in those numbers about survival either. I don't think you plan your life by statistics or numbers or at this point in my life I might not get into another car or go for another plane ride. I don't know, it seems such a waste to look at things from my perspective as it sounds too much like a waiting game, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Someone else recently said are you always this positive? I had to laugh at that as well as, no I am not. I have to work at that daily and minute by minute but the opposite of being positive doesn't have any great draw for me. Negativity sucks the life blood out of even the strongest of those who are morally and spiritually stronger than me so I don't even want to let a little bit of that to creep in. I have amazing role models each day as I talk and work with patients who are still waging the war against cancer and not just breast cancer but all kinds of cancer. Their insights and attitude and love shine through even the darkest moments. I am reading a neat little book right now GOD DOESN"T BLINK, that brings to light alot of life lessons that unfortunately you have to live through in order to get to that side where you can reflect on it. I am sure many times over your parents as did mine, would say something that they hoped would lead me in the right direction with gently guidance but I would have to learn on my terms and usually the hard way. I don't have all the answers but I have lived alot of life. I too try to instruct my kids to do as I say and not as I did. I look over all those years and how I have gotten to where I am today and yes, cancer was a part of it. I don't have any new stories on that but insights on being on this side of the fence and having lived on the other side. I don't physically think of or keep track of how many years. I do occasionally have an ache or pain that seems out of the realm of normal and wonder if it is something more or is it just more of something called ...getting older. In the end- HUMOR, LOVE, and FAMILY...my days are counted by those and the opportunities to share in those and Make It A Great Day! S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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