Cancer can affect the entire family -- both adults and children -- in many ways. Psychosocial support includes mental health counseling, education, group support, and many other such services. We recently had a death in the family and I noticed first hand the children and their coping mechanisms. It was very difficult to comprehend that Great Grandma was gone especially having seen television shows where the next program the person is back up and in the game, so to say. I will say that it in my opinion it is best to talk about this alone with your children and to give them their time and space to grieve. Depending on ages it may even be appropriate to go early to a viewing but to leave before the confusion begins. It is too much to expect young children to stay quiet and entertained in a roomful of strangers that are crying and expressing their condolences. To expect them to endure visiting hours and a funeral would be alot for any child. I know when my mom passed that several children in the family wrote notes and put it in her casket. Planting a tree or flower in that person's honor or something else that they can do like making Grandma's plata pancakes helps to bring comfort in a difficult time. I don't profess to know all the answers or predict what kind of timeline this should all be done in but as a parent, you know your kids best and what their needs are. There may even come a time when some outside counseling may be appropriate. Part of the time we spent in Great Grandma's home with all the family telling funny stories and remembrances was healing to us all as we laughed over the fact that no one likes lutefisk( a fish dish eaten at Christmas). I am sure that tradition will continue though as we honor Ingrid Greta Larson Kilburn. S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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