I can't speak for other breast cancer survivors but I may mirror some of their thoughts. My life is different now, it may look the same to you but inside, I am different. I need you in my life but I also have learned that sometimes just having me is enough. I need to hear my heartbeat and listen to what is inside and what I do and don't do may not be what you think is right but right now, this moment, it is right for me. I may need the hustle and bustle of family and friends around. Many of you think that it is just like it used to be and I am profoundly determined to let you know that it isn't. My opinions are stronger and more determined and I strive to focus on positive and supportive people. I will never forget but I have moved on, except for those few occasions where I am blindsighted by unthinking comments about others bad experiences with cancer and recurrences. I am more observant of my aches and pains and less willing to wait and see what happens. I am not sure how I could laugh more, but I do and I reach out to more people than ever before be it through my job or just my life. Your friendship is like gold in my treasure chest and the smallest kindness is deeply appreciated. I love to hear my grandkids laugh and long for family gatherings. To have my house filled with my kids and their families is always foremost for me. To sit and talk to my dogs and just feel their warmth next to me, gives me great comfort. To see the smile on others faces and hear their laughter even over the silliest things is a daily goal. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and don't discount what I am verbalizing. You cannot make things better for me except to listen, no one can fix the issues we all face in our lives only I can learn how to deal with it more effectively. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and being 5 years out does not mean a home run, it means I am 5 years and counting and experiencing each day. I spend more money on cards and silly things and gifts to share with others. My cat now gets tuna twice a week, yes-really. It still remains the little things that mean so much. I stood on my back porch the other day and called the deer in by my usual clicking sound and in they trotted (Yes, they are wild) but they know when they hear the sound that I have corn waiting form them. I love to look at their eyes and watch them pound the ground with their hoof to see if I am going to move or if I am a threat. One deer continued to pound the ground and then run away a little and circled back to see if it had scared me off and there I stood firm and enjoying the moment. I am still not good at saying what I need or making decisions but I know that I am blessed by a wonderful husband, great kids and their spouses and grandkids, and friends from all walks of life. So when I say I am living beyond breast cancer, I am. I have the big 60 coming up and I have already announced that I want to celebrate and I mean celebrate. Not anything about celebrate my accomplishments or failures but celebrate to seize the moment and day and make great memories. My bucket list has been done and revised numerous times and for me, I have no regrets. I have asked for forgiveness when I need to and tried to be fair and understanding with all and I am sure I have fallen short. I am a peacekeeper and I care about you and what you are and think. My suggestions to others? Do what you need, when you need it and enjoy each day! And as for me, I will make it a great day!
S