I headed to the other room and found myself fixated on the old tv show -MASH. What an extraordinary program and as I watched, I realized it was the last episode and I cried as each recounted what would be next in their lives and the attachments that had been made along the way. It highlighted the strengths and weaknesses and human fraility among us all. Someone recently said to me that I was an inspiration and I am not telling you this to brag but to tell you my discomfort with the statement. I am no hero now or ever will be. I can be angry, sad, depressed, I have my terrible moments and my silly ones, my body has been hit by gravity and I don't always eat right nor do I care. I may not ever give up chocolate or even an occasional wine. I worry as much and probably more than many mothers and I turn to faith but I am not always strong. I can talk the talk but may not always walk the walk. I panic at some silly things and brave some other crazier things, I have low self esteem on some days and other days I can conquer any obstacle. I need love and acceptance like every other human on this planet and I hope I can help someone along the way. The MASH show demonstrated all of those raw moments that we all have and how diversity among us actually can bring us together under such strange circumstances.
Cancer is one of those circumstances. I made it through the first time and I see others who had to work so much harder and yet still those that continue to fight and some that are losing the battle. I see their strengh and hope and also their despair and fear.
Many will say that as much as they hate coming for treatment, that when it is over, they miss coming here as we have shared a bond, a moment in time, and part of their lives. That to me is a privilege as we shelter so much of who we really are. I have many private parts of me that few have ever known. I keep them inside and deal with them each day when and if they rear their ugly head. I strive to do and be better each day and hold on to hope in all circumstances. My faith is strong and yet at times weak as I question and fear. When it is all said and done, I want to sit around with those that have been in my life and tell them the importance and impact on my life and what gifts they have given me along the way to make me the person I am. I will continue to cry, doubt, be down on those occasions and will also pull myself up and reach out. Look around, there are amazing people all around you, just waiting to tell their story and share their lives, just open the door and don't flip through those channels and miss the important parts of the program. Great day to be made, by you and me!