Interesting conversation yesterday with another lady regarding her post treatment and "Survivor" status. What is survivor anyhow? Some people start counting from diagnosis, some start after treatment and that phantom number of 5 does not mean you are in the clear, it just means 5 years. For some SURVIVOR means a reality show that pairs away everything about everyday normal life and throws you into challenges and circumstances and groups that you on any other normal day, would never face. I don't know that survivor is the exact term I would label myself but for lack of better description, I am one. I have made it through surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and a million and a half blood tests, CT's, MRI's, Mammograms, biopsies and more. I have friends that have remained cancer free for years and I have others that have lost their battle and some still fighting or starting a new fight. I strive to have some semblance of normal throughout my day but also realize that I am not who I was before this all. Some good, some bad remains. I certainly want to leave this world (at the appropriate time )with more than the revelation that I was a breast cancer survivor. I would prefer: friend, humorist,devoted and dedicated, caring,loving , mother- wife-friend and somehow I made a difference along the way. I don't have the cure for cancer as I would be the first in line to take it or use it and share it with the world. I have litte I want to say about the beast except to warn others to always take care of yourself and be proactive. I look to each day as a gift and I am impatient to get on with my next stage of life. I love what I do but want the time and money to do what I want. I want to see and be with my grandkids and feel needed and wanted in their life. I want to travel to see my children that are all over the world. I want to sit and watch the river and fall asleep reading a good book. I want to help with Hospice or some other group that help others at that stage in their life. I want to laugh and try things I never had the opportunity to do due to work, school and family. I also want a full time cleaning lady in order to do that all... yes a pipe dream, but we all need them. Instead I will go home after work walk and play with my dogs, fix dinner, pick up the house and get ready for the start of a new day. There will be letters to answer, bills to pay, calls to be made and that is it, I am a survivor -each and every day. Enjoying it as I go.S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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