Crying is often considered a sign of weakness by many but also the fear of letting go and never getting back in control of your emotions can happen as well. There may also be more gratitude just for having survived and that you may have no right to feel sad.
Remember grief can be healing, it is temporary and even if the loss is permanent, sooner or later, you do quit crying. Any loss is to be grieved. Positivity is great but not if it blocks out feeling what you are going through.
How do you know if you have grief right now? If you think you are adjusting, you may very well be but if everything brings up sadness or unpleasant feelings, you may be grieving. I went to a conference and thought I was doing well until I heard them talk about reconstruction and I broke down and cried and every time thereafter when reconstruction was mentioned. I determined, I was grieving. I may have put my big girl panties on too soon and needed to process a little more of what I was going through. Grief hurts and most of us just don't want to experience hurt if we can help it. Especially if you are co-dependent and a caregiver. Sometimes you put grief on the back shelf so you can just deal with the moment. Unfortunately that turns into a bitter pill to swallow and you still have to get that pill down.
Know that your grief is justified and that you have to acknowledge it and it may mean you need help to do so. Seeking a professional may be the best thing you do for yourself. Sometimes just watching a movie that you can cry at, allows you to let down and let go. Know that when you do process it, your life changes and during survivorship, loss, and grief.. you are taking good care of you.
Make it a great day! S