How often are you out and the conversation comes around to current health issues and someone in the group is aware that you have had cancer? I find the next step is one of two things: divert the conversation away from any cancer issues or bring up any war stories that they can think of. I often say it is like when someone is pregnant and everyone has their own war stories. This one was in labor 48 hours and had a breach and on and on and if you are pregnant at the time you are just wrangling in your boots. My experience is that they must tell me how someone got cancer again after 20 years or how it came back on the same side as the mastectomy and anything else tragic you can add. Having lived through the experience I just don't need to have the negative bombarding me and prefer to stay positive and may excuse myself from the conversation, walk away or if none of that works, my mind turns the on the off button and I am now disconnected from the conversation. IF anyone thinks it is comforting to reinforce that your cancer can come back anytime, well my thoughts are you take it one day at a time and enjoy each moment. None of us knows what tomorrow brings and we should enjoy the day and make the best of whatever is out there. People ask me what to say in these situations and my best answer is, " I am not interested, I prefer puppies and toilet paper commercials with babies," and that certainly steers the conversation in a different direction as they are unable to decide if I am just crazy or there is something they haven't heard and need to know about. It is amazing how desperate people will become if they think they are out of the loop and don't know what is happening. Of course, I am smiling all the while and the "Nasty Gossip" (which is what I call it) usually goes away at that point. I must say though, I do care if you just need an ear if you yourself are going through a difficult time but most times these kinds of conversation are mindless chatter about someone they heard about. Take me to a corner and if you need one on one, I am there... all ears and hopefully supportive to your needs. Sunday was Father's Day and when families get together alot of that chatter exists, I bring that up as I have found a T SHIRT that I plan to wear to all family functions after I order it and get it into my hands. This is the best as it states, I AM THE AUNT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ABOUT! Gotta get to the pile on my desk as it is Monday morning and lots to get moving on. Hope you had a great weekend and that your smile is from the inside out and that even if no one else can hear you laughing, that you are enjoying your day! S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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