It is not to say I block everything out but I do know that the more unpleasant things in life are far less predominant in my mind. There are days that I am on peak level and some things creep back into memory and other days that I am so preoccupied that it doesn't even come up. Now to move to dealing with patients everyday and their issues and concerns that I am here to help with in whatever way possible. No matter who you are or what you do in life, cancer is a leveler of all things. You hear those words and your world crumbles around you. I listen, provide support, guide them in things that may help and resources that are available and more. Some of those days, you feel a sense of gratitude to be able to meet those needs and be there for those facing that diagnosis and some days you go home and wonder, what can I do? Not too long ago, I felt that helplessness descend and as I scoured my brain, the internet, the resources at hand and started to make calls and send emails, I kept looking for more help for this person and wondering where it could come from. I continued to see my other patients and laugh and talk with them and get answers and meet their needs but underneath it all, my heart was crying. I came home and cried again and have found that the heaviness of the situation pervades. I don't know how to fix this or where to find the answers I need to help. I am sure any of us in the medical field will tell you we have those days, months, times that one special patient has too much on their plate and we are not sure what we can do. I laugh to keep from crying. Unfortunately, I have no magic wand and I am reaching out in all arenas to find the help that is needed. I do not want to carry this to other patients that are fighting their own battle nor do they need the oppressive feelings of what others may be carrying. We each fight our own battle.
I pray I can find answers each day, and help for others and thanks for the fact that through it all, I am still laughing but it does not mean that I have forgotten the pressing needs or the situation that one is going through, it just means I laugh to keep from crying and I will shore you up and hold your hand along the way. Faith is my building block and I have to believe that faith will guide me through to be the best help I can be for you and your family at your time of need and in the mean time MAKE IT A GREAT DAY! S