|SUE - a breast cancer survivor||
Well, I have children all over the world and very soon I will be visiting my son in Italy. I am looking forward to getting there and also have fears about travel, meeting trains, planes, and finding my way around. Will I know what they are talking about, will I understand, will I screw things up, will it be safe to travel, can I handle the long trip flying over and back and so much more? I am a terrible sleeper and the middle of the night is when all these thoughts start to impinge on what little sleep I do get. My husband does not like to travel but he will do it to see the kids. Over all the years, it has always been me to take the trips and go visit kids even taking a younger one with me as I traveled. Did I neglect to tell you I have five kids and my husband hates to travel? I would grab one kid and go to Texas to visit another one or take another child and go to North Carolina to visit another one or I traveled to California by myself to visit another. As all these thoughts passed through my head and I remembered all the times, good and bad- I began to realize that my fears and concerns were very similar to my battle with cancer and something only I could do myself. I could have others with me but whether they travled with me or just stayed back and let me lead, it was exactly how I went through cancer. Some of the kids would stay home when I traveled and my husband very rarely went but I did it because that was how I could get to see my kids and this is what it would require. This is the same as cancer, I did what was required- I want to be alive, be with my kids and enjoy life. Worrying is not a good attribute of mine but one I must own as I do worry. I also know that I often just have to reinforce in my mind that I need to let go and trust. I trust it will be a great trip and that my daughter and family will handle the homefront while I am gone. I trust that I did what I needed to do to get the best outcome from my walk with breast cancer and each day is a gift. Someone told me recently that I just make cancer look easy. Far from the truth, and I have pictures and dialogue in journals to prove it but I am also standing here on the other side, saying you can make it too. Winning is not the outcome but how you get through it. I am a winner, whether it is going to Italy or coming through Cancer. This day is great because we are in it.