Yesterday I found myself spending most of my time, listening. Yes, just listening. That is not an easy thing to do and like most co-dependent caregivers that want to help, I usually want to fix whatever is wrong and will work diligently to find the answer that will fix whatever it is. For a handful of the patients I worked with yesterday, I couldn't fix or help anything. I just listened. Now you say that is not hard to do and anyone can do that which is true. The issue is do we do that or are we there to try and fix things. How often do we want to step in and give the answers having gone through similar experiences? How often do we want to go get something be it medicine or whatever and just fix it? We are a drive through society and we want things immediately fixed, hence the drive through. I would line up in that drive through if I could throw all my problems in the bin and next window have them all addressed and go on about my life. Interesting concept! Trust me, we all have problems and issues we would like to make better or change, no one is free from that. Would we accept it or take it for granted if we could fix things that easily and would we actually appreciate having all those issues corrected? Now I sound like a sermon but I think at some point we have to look at faith in whatever form that takes in your life. For myself, I do have a drive up window called prayer. I don't always remember that I have that and I often put it in prayer and then forget that a higher power will now take those concerns and address them. Having faith to trust in that is sometimes offsetting and we just aren't sure as we may give it up but we still hold on to some of those kit strings just to make sure that it will be ok. I don't know about you but not only do I need to be a good listener but I also have to turn those fears and frustrations and issues over and let my higher power take over and listen to me. I don't think that we are less of a person if not entirely 100% behind those principles but I would say, what do you have to loose? I don't care if it is in prayer or quiet meditation or in a place where you just let it rip but getting it out is a great thing. Maybe your venue is to write it down in a journal. Most people pooh, pooh that idea and find it to artsy for their liking but to be honest, open it up and even if today is just one line,tomorrow may be two and before you know it you are writing what is inside of you onto that piece of paper and giving up. It takes practice to just listen, I don't always get to the point, it is best for me to just listen as I am the co-dependent caregiver but active listening takes work. I have often opened up to my husband about issues on hand and I find I get more irritated as he tries to correct the problem and he really wasn't involved or knows the full dynamics of it. Instead, I would prefer he just listen and support me and finish with a hug and a I LOVE YOU. I need to know he will accept me despite what is happening in my life and isn't that what we all want? Love and acceptance and acknowledgement that I am here, I am real, and I have hurts and needs and so much more that is what I think we all strive for. So today is a new day and this month a start over with the new spring and Easter. Today, I will listen and maybe through listening it will not only help another but myself as well. The road is never straight and we all have twists, turns and bumps and maybe it is time to just slow down and listen. Listening to make it a great day! S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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