This has nothing to do with breast cancer and although this is a blog about breast cancer, we all need a break. Bring on the smore's and campfires, the kayaking, and bike riding, and walks and fishing and just playing games. This is our own Disneyland adventure and I am sure there will be millions of miles and moments to share for the rest of our lives. As I enter into this sacred event, know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and that I will dutifully fulfill my job of bring you news on the breast cancer front but for now it is just fun
Officially today at 4:30 PM starts the beginning of Grandma Camp. Now I will say my original plan was to have my grandkids and enjoy them thoroughly and let the cousins get together but as it turns out, everyone comes home... Moms, Dads, Nieces, Nephews, granddogs and it is a fun and crazy time. I feel fortunate that I have four out of five of my children that will be home with family in tow. This is truly the only time that they are all together. I am like the mother hen with her chicks all gathered. The first activity will be tomorrow morning with four of my children and my husband doing the MUD RUN out Conneaut Lake way. I am sure that there will be belly laughs and more as my granddaughter can't wait to see Daddy get muddy and Daddy's younger brother will help move the process along as quickly as possible.
This has nothing to do with breast cancer and although this is a blog about breast cancer, we all need a break. Bring on the smore's and campfires, the kayaking, and bike riding, and walks and fishing and just playing games. This is our own Disneyland adventure and I am sure there will be millions of miles and moments to share for the rest of our lives. As I enter into this sacred event, know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and that I will dutifully fulfill my job of bring you news on the breast cancer front but for now it is just fun
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How often have you stood in line waiting to pay and just glance at the titles of the stories lining the aisle from all types of written media? It does catch your attention. Somehow I even find myself taking a second look. How to feel younger in 10 days, how to lose 20 pounds in a month, how to find your soul mate, How to improve your mood, how to boost your self esteem, and the list goes on and on. I also know that when I start to talk to a patient about some of these interventions that we all try to use in helping our cancer patients, we see the blank stare go across their face and a numbness that exemplifies what they think at the present time and it surely isn't about how to lose weight, etc. I try to stress that basic lifestyle hints and helps covers the continuum, from cancer to heart disease to diabetes. Good health habits are a lifetime commitment! Does that mean you won't see me with my theater buttered popcorn, the answer is no, and what about an occasional glass of wine, count me in? I am saying be informed and make good choices. Recently my daughter was talking to me about the stress she is experiencing right now and our fixit was always a chocolate sauce I would make special for on ice cream. It wasn't all the time but in times of stress it would appear. I got off the phone with her and felt heart burdened and not knowing how to help. I called her back to hear that she was eating her ice cream and we both laughed. So all I can really tell you is that exercise helps, eating moderately and healthy helps, sleeping properly helps, and keeping a healthy weight and getting out with others and remembering that each day is a gift and enjoy what is in your life and put the other stuff in a compartment till you find how to deal with it. I don't mean avoid it, I mean take it in
As caregivers, we often carry a heavy burden while supporting our love one through cancer and although we do this willingly it can also take a toll. What we also have to look at is that fact that the patient may not be the only one dealing with depression. With the diagnosis of cancer, we have financial concerns, family concerns, emotional and psychological concerns, treatment and prognostic concerns. Many times, an early indicator is the patient with cancer is less likely to make decisions regarding their treatment or possibly non-compliance and dropping out of treatment. The more limiting their lifestyle has become also puts them at a higher risk of depression and the more limitations the patient has, the more the caregiver must carry so that in all reality, both are dealing with depression. Religion/ Faith plays an important role in psychological well being of both. Support systems and sharing of roles, be it taking care of the house, paying the bills, and help with child care and more also influences how well a person copes with the struggles of dealing with cancer.
I often tell people who may be experiencing some difficulties with depression that there is no shame in having medical intervention and asking for a hand up. I often liken it to the fact that you can't run a car without oil and right now there is no oil in your car and you need to prime the pump so that medical intervention may be necessary. Reaching out to others to help with what your needs are, may be a difficult step but the isolation of not asking for help does more damage. There is also no reason to not ask for help except your own self imposed values. So today you need help, when you are back on your feet, you can help someone else. As silly as this sounds, that should be the circle of life. Throughout my life when I have hit a low spot, I realize, I need to do something for someone else and it doesn't have to be monetary or it could be but it does mean to get out with others determine the needs and help where you can and in doing so you have helped yourself. There still remains a stigma to having cancer and that in itself can increase the possibility of depression. By all means, allow yourself to laugh! Sometimes you wonder if laughing is appropriate but if it lightens the load, and can help promote a better perception of what lies ahead, then go ahead and laugh. Sometimes as caregivers(especially medical people) we have been told we have a warped sense of humor but that is often what keeps us going and knowing that we are making a difference. I hope your weekend brin I could start talking about my family and probably will but my focus today is on the services provided in oncology that not only impacts the patient but also the families and of course the healthcare providers. Having worked in various capacities providing care to cancer patients, I can say that is not only the most amazing nursing I have every done and rewarding but also the most stressful and exhausting. Like a mother hen, I find that oncology nurses have a strong commitment to care for the patients and their families and also very protective and yet it also presents problems you won't find in any other venue. The emotional needs present issues that are extremely difficult to maneuver and it may take a team effort to provide the patient and family what they need. Some families have been at odds for years and yet it is often assumed that this will all dissolve and melt away when going through cancer. Support groups can be invaluable but we have gotten so far away from talking things out, that unless we can text it, it won't begin to get to the deeper issues that came along for the ride. The reward is when you see families reuniting and dealing with the issues of their care.
I have a rather large family when it compares to others in this day and age. My husband and myself, have raised 5 amazing individuals and have been blessed by them. Grandma camp is when we try to all get together and yet there is always someone that can't be there for one reason or another despite all the planning involved. One son and his family were here recently and will not be able to attend Grandma camp. We tried to give them the best experience possible including fun activities, food preferences and a happy environment. It meant so much to have them here and yet it hurt as they will not be attending the Real Grandma camp and spending time with Aunts and Uncles and Cousins,etc. Our families no longer live one town away and only a few could get here in a day if they had to. I have learned they have their lives to live and I want to be a part of that but also that we need to live our lives too. Stress for families also include burnout whether with a family member or a family situation. Each have grown and gone their own ways. I do believe that they would all come together if the need did arise due to medical issues,etc. Difficult family dynamics don't just happen when someone gets ill. Recognizing that their is stress and preparing yourself with strategies to handle that stress is important. In nursing, I have often had to back up and redirect to work with a difficult situation. I hope to instill in everyone that each day is important and treasure each moment and then go to sleep knowing you gave it your best. On the other side having talked about family and healthcare providers, you, the patient may be the best change agent in helping to keep from making the situation emotional exhausting. This is the time to open up and talk, talk about anything at first but just get the communication going and allow it to go the direction it needs. Find sources to help if need be to open up those channels. When families, health, work become so stressful that we aren't capable of rationally functioning, check your barometer out and ask if you are perceiving things wrong and what will and can we do to help. I often find, especially with my crew, when all else fails, and "I love you" will always help and in the mean time....make it a If I could put an ideal conference together for breast cancer patients and survivors......7/12/2013 I must admit, I have strange dreams but usually they are tied into something I am doing, working on, or eating. First and foremost I don't have all the answers and constantly strive to get information and pass it on. I learn from workshops, reading articles, conferences, peers, and people from all walks of life. Funny as it seems but last night I grabbed a bag of potatoes, some tapioca pudding, and cranberry juice at a local store. I didn't want to fish for a quarter in order to get a buggy so I just carried my goods to the line that was weaving in and out of isles heading to the back of the store. There was a lady that was looking at me and my goods and I could smell that she was an adamant smoker and had very fraggled teeth and appeared to be low on funds but yet she asked the carts behind if they would mind if she let me in, in front of her in line. They all smiled and said sure and then she asked the lady in front of me who had already put her food items on the conveyer belt if I could go in front of her and she said yes and that she hadn't been paying attention. This sweet woman turned to me and said their are nice people in the world. Deep down I asked for forgiveness for having some preconceived notions of who she was and then asked that she would accept me as I was. We joked the rest of the time in line and I walked away feeling that their are angels and special people in all our lives if we take time to notice. Now having said that, what does that have to do with the ideal conference for breast cancer patients and survivors? Oh yes, it has been talked about over and over: food, nutrition, clinical research and clinical trials and exercise and bone health and obesity and smoking and genetics and targeted therapy, sexuality and cancer and on and on and that is all good. I am not turning down any of these options whatsoever but the heart of it all is just that.... the heart of it all. I looked at the items I was purchasing, a bag of potatoes for grandma camp as I have lots of people in my family that love mashed potatoes or potatoes in any form, the tapioca pudding was just a little treat for my girlfriend recovering from back surgery and the cranberry juice was for me as a preemptive strike as I have a feeling I am getting a urinary tract infection and I want to be proactive. Is there more that I could have done to be proactive with my breast cancer and even now after treatment, what can I do to not live in fear of recurrence?
I went right back to thinking of the lady in the grocery store that was happy, just happy being who she was and sharing her happiness in whatever way feasible. It doesn't take dollars or shiny cars or fancy clothes, it doesn't take toys and gimics, it takes your heart and that is what my conference would be, all about heart and how many ways to implement it. Sitting with a patient and holding their hand is truly a privilege for me. Listening to their concerns or making them laugh, is sharing my heart. I don't have platitudes that will help anything anyhow. Telling the person they are tough and can make it may only put a little layer of icing on the cake and may even turn the patient away from you as you aren't really listening with your ears. The awkward silent moments may in fact be the most therapeutic. You can't fix what I am going through but you can listen. I don't want sympathy not now, not then and not in the future. I want genuine caring and appreciation for my patients and myself. I am not sure that my new friend was a church goer but she was one of the most faithful servants I have met in a long time. My ideal conference, yup you got it. It is acceptance and love because no matter what I read or learn, I always need to be reminded and relearn that this is what is So what is your definition of relaxation or what would be your idea of relaxation? How do you achieve it and do you make an effort each day to have some relaxation? Do you fill your mind with all the things that need to be completed and add a few more or can you just sit with a blank slate?
I am often told that I have two gears and two gears only, all go or nothing. Relaxation for me seems to fall under a good nights sleep but truly it should be more than that. With all the input and multitasking and lists of things to do each day and all the knowledge to assimilate and the multiple layers of input, how do you cope with your life today? Stress is in everyone's life, there is no avoiding it and there is good stress called eustress such as a wedding or a new job that you were hoping to get but there also is the stress that brings you down and it could be work related or family related and even spousal influences that just add layer upon layer to your everyday life. How do you cope with all this input and how do you destress? Do you ever just take a moment to breathe? Sighing is your body telling you to slow down and breathe, huh- are you listening? Sit comfortable and roll your head from side to side and now sit up and move your belly and take deep cleansing breathes. Try to do about five breathes and see if it doesn't make you yawn. Try holding that breath for several seconds and then relax. It is amazing how it can re-energize you and clear your thoughts. Another practice is meditation and or guided imagery. I often focus on a word, such as love or forgiveness and just keep repeating that in my head. If your mind wanders as does mine, simply try to refocus and start again or you can actually be mindful of where your thoughts are going. I also use guided imagery alot. I have a beautiful place in the woods on a river and when there I sit on the porch and watch the humming birds and watch the river roll by. I often can slide my thoughts to that river and that spot and just think of the peacefulness and calm I feel in that moment. Now it may all sound silly to you but it is a practice that gets better the more you use it and you may find yourself de-escalating the impact of the days trials and tribulations and for that I am extremely grateful and accepting and open to doing this types of activities. I just need to remind myself that I have these tricks at my disposal and it is worthwhile to take a moment or two and practice it. Suddenly you feel the tension of your shoulders reduce, your breathing becoming calmer and maybe even an inside smile as you are mentally taken to a calmer place. For those of you that think I am fruitloops, that is ok too as at least I have put a smile on your face. Oh yes, I am a firm believer in laughter and one of my most constant tools but be aware there is a time and a place so check for appropriateness. In the meantime, make it a great Smiles, they are free, easy to do and everyone should have one. You just received three clues and the answer is-SMILES. A recent article that I reviewed talked about smiles and those that have a smile prove personality is liked to longevity. I found that very interesting and although I think I smile alot, I am also often deep in thought and the smile goes away. It was interesting in how they had come to their determination and it was looking back at team photos and school pictures and then seeing what or where those individuals were now. Yes, you guessed it, seems there is a direct correlation to smiling and longevity.
Have you ever mentioned to someone in passing, just smile that it would make their day go better or even to yourself to put your face on and smile and it does seem to have an affect on how the day goes. Now, I also know that I don't want to end up looking like Goofy every day but as I stated in the beginning of this, smiles are free, easy to do, and everyone should have one. Try to find your smile and share it with others, it is definitely contagious in the most amazing way. Our summer has been very limited due to weather but I know smiling brings the sunshine in at least into my heart. I have often mentioned to make it a great day and I totally endorse smiling as the way to get there. So now we are both armed with what is needed to meet each day. Smile inside and out and you will make it a great day and in the long run, look at some longevity benefits and no matter what it makes the day better |
AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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