As I begin each new day, do I anticipate what may be the tune of the day? I wake up, watch the news and get ready pretty much by shear numbness and following a daily routine. Then my day starts to formulate and that is where the anticipation comes in. Do you wait to see what the tone of the day will be and do you think, oh my, today is going to be awful because of this or that or who or when? Many people unfortunately came make sour milk out of an ice cream cone and can't distinguish the good from the bad or how to make it great. I anticipate my trip to the mechanic is going to be expensive, that the doctor has bad news, that my review at work will be awful or the reason they called me in is not good. Turn that around and know that whatever happens, your car will work and run better and you will be safe, that the news may supply answers that are much needed but also give you a course of treatment options and if I have done my best, then my review should reflect it and I can always bring to the forefront my strengths and yes I can learn and improve if given the information needed to make the needed corrections. You see, I don't just have a Pollyanna point of view but one of optimism and hope and then a dash of humor added in and all come into clearer focus and my anticipation of the day is not of trepidation, fear and intimidation, but of eagerness and earnest to make it the best it can be.
Bad things do happen to good people and there is no denying that and many things I can't fix but I can learn to cope with it better and make it better and if it means doing alot of self talk to get to where my life is manageable, that is ok. It is also ok to reach out and talk to someone else but don't get into the never ending cycle of complaints and frustrations and no recourse in site. You are reinforcing that negative anticipation and we all want the day to be the best it can be and that we do our best and give it our best. Also know that MOST people don't go out of their way to make you miserable nor do they want to be miserable so if you see some pretty negative stuff going on, know it is not you but what is happening at that present time with that person.
Through this all I can say, this a work in progress and lots of learning and trial and error as I still have difficulties and have to learn to kick myself and get back in the game. I have a wonderful support system including a husband that probably has loved me through more things than is normally required. Please note, that I said he loved me through it as I was not always the most loveable at those awkward times and didn't make it easy for anyone to reach me as the walls had gone up. My kids have grounded me more than anyone could ever know. My life will always be focused around theirs and their happiness. ALWAY! Take that away from me and you have taken my breath. I will always be their mother regardless of their age or mine. I held their hand and someday they will have to hold mine. For now I am holding grandkids hands and my heart is attached to them all. I anticipate a great Grandma Camp with lots of love and laughter and even some stressful times that will bind us all closer together. I didn't just get to 28 years of marriage by giving up either nor was it all uphill. There were times I thought I would have to walk but now at this stage of our lives together, we are more than just a couple and the depth of our love is bigger and better and yet not without some tribulation on some days. I know we will stay and continue to grow together but I am also coming to the age that I fear life without him or me leaving too soon and missing the best time of our lives where we have the time and other acruments to really enjoy us.
So this anniversary of 28 years, I anticipate: laughter, an evening out to dinner together, sharing our life and our moments, holding hands,planning our future and reviewing our past. Only we can do this as it was our walk together and I anticipate many more years ahead with lots of ups and downs but in the mean time we will make it a great day! S