SUE - a breast cancer survivor
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  • My story
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  • 31 stories for 31 days
    • Day 1: I got the news >
      • Day 2: Those crazy 4 men
      • Day 3: Chemo: What a wonderful time of the year
      • Day 4: Bald
      • Day 5: Seroma, hematoma, fudgicles...I am swollen!
      • Day 6: I feel pretty, oh so pretty!
    • Day 7: Weary and tired! >
      • Day 8: Where did my dreams go and did they get lost in Cancer?
      • Day 9: Germany
      • Day 10: Diversion
      • Day 11: Duke
      • Day 12: Did I ever tell you waiting rooms suck?
      • Day 13: Did I ever tell you my dad died of CA?
    • Day 14: My best friend’s sister >
      • Day 15: Graduation
      • Day 16: Book club
      • Day 17: Surgery
      • Day 18: What is it about Pittsburgh….?
      • Day 19: Radiation
    • Day 20: Now that the treatment is over >
      • Day 21: Toby,
      • Day 22: Reconstruction or not
      • Day 23: Prosthesis or not?
      • Day 24: Recurrence
      • Day 25: Nothing Special
    • Day 26: What have I learned? >
      • Day 27: Impact- Activist
      • Day 28: New Position
      • Day 29: Life will never feel or look the same.
      • Day 30: Reflections
      • Day 31: I'm here to help
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CAREGIVER SEMINAR

11/29/2011

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Free Webinar November 30th at 7pm EST

Brought to you by AARP and NFCA

You are a family caregiver.
You already play a critical role in your loved one's day-to-day activities.
Should you manage your loved one's financial affairs?

Situations get increasingly more complex when emotions enter into financial discussions. Knowing how, when or if to intervene and manage your loved one’s financial affairs will help you and your loved one protect their assets.

This Webinar will help family caregivers understand:

    • What happens to our bodies as we age
    • What to asses when evaluating your situation
    • How to recognize signs that something is wrong
    • The need to create a plan for the future
    • How to get help
Join AARP and the National Family Caregivers Association on November 30th at 7pm EST for this very important topic.

Register Now for this Free Webinar

http://event.on24.com/r.htm?e=372846&s=1&k=6023BF884380CC98EDCEC20CA68CFA09

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Back from Holiday

11/28/2011

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Well, I worked one day last week at work and the rest at home!  It was great fun to have family in for the holidays and we covered alot of ground.  I spent Saturday and Sunday washing 5 beds and cleaning and the days preceeding that cooking and getting ready for everyone. Tday proved to be fun and busy. I was always used to having 2 ovens to cook with and now only one so it took some logistical planning. I actually cooked my first turkey on Wednesday and got it ready, took it off the bone, and made my gravy etc and then Thursday, I cooked the second one. We had 19 people  and it was a gorgeous day. I almost felt like I was in North Carolina because of the weather.  It was a busy but fun time. I thoroughly enjoyed my family and especially my granddaughter who is well beyond her 2 years. Her comments and insights just make me roar and I also got such a kick out of my great niece. Yup, you heard it, my great niece. That is how old I am!

After it all calmed down and was quiet again, I looked around and realized that I had a real purpose with everyone home and meals to do and was needed again. I also realized that my family all have their own lives in their own homes in cities far away.  I  sat in the quiet last night as Ron had left to go to THE MOVIES to watch the Steelers play on the big screen, and thought and prayed for those that don't have family and are facing issues that seem insurmountable and sometimes are.  I worry about Christmas and getting everything done and having food ready and presents under the tree and also stop and think about my patients that have just received a diagnosis of cancer and what thoughts they have at this time of year when everyone is cheery, and friendly.  How do you face the day with all that is about Christmas and also face your own health issues?   It is a time of year that should be all year long, that we think of others and reach out to help and listen and yet it is so poignant  during this season.
I woke early this morning with the same thoughts on my mind and know that there is something that I need to do and will once that idea comes to the surface in the mean time, remember the holiday and most of all, remember others and Make It A Great Day!
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60

11/22/2011

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Yup, I am now 60. What kind of number is that? Yes, I made it.... 5 kids, 3 grandkids and one on the way,  two husbands..(One at a time and no future plans to add another-ever) over a life time about 12 dogs, 5 cats, gerbils, hamsters, fish,  one pig, 7 houses,5 cities I have lived in and a total gain and loss of weight probably equaling 3-4 adults. That does not include how many surgeries- I am truly the bionic woman with replaced  knees and missing parts. Having said all that, my husband went to great lengths to give me an awesome surprise party and although he delegated out the invite list, he was not aware of who others had invited or who was coming. I am sure some special friends may have been missed and know that it was not on purpose.  We had a lovely dinner and even my daughter from Florida came home to make the day.  I took my birthday off and enjoyed the day with the girls and now back at work. Thanksgiving being around the corner, I will be off the rest of the week, cooking, cleaning, entertaining and enjoying family and I wish you the same (not the work part). Thanks to all that made my day special with all your kind thoughts, words, cards and more. I love you all and if you know me.. .you know that is true. Making it a great day over 60...S
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Turning 60

11/18/2011

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Yup, I am turning 60 although it sounds like just a number to me, I remember when I was the youngest person at any of the numerous places I have worked in the past and now I am the oldster.  I don't mind the number 60 but do truly believe that I need to celebrate to the point I even made a guest list and put it in an obvious place for my husband to find. Now he is a dear man and I love him but, I have been the cruise director of all our "fun activities" in the past and this time I just wanted someone else to plan.  I truly feel like each and every year we need to celebrate in any way that seems appropriate.  I have had bucket lists that I have completed and added more  throughout the years and I have entertained alway entertained but I am usually the organizer and turning 60, I just want to have a fun filled day to remember. Now my sister is turning 79 and she is not taking that number well but as I told her the alternative is not any better.  "60" means to me, a freedom to say no when I need to, to go do what I want to instead of saying someday, and to love even more fully to all those that mean so very much to me. I have always been one to be so very appreciative of any effort by others to do just something on any level for me. If it meant picking up the kids when I couldn't, sending a card to cheer me up, bringing my favorite treat that they stopped to get on their way or spending an evening with me.  Being important enough to someone that they go the extra mile means the world to me.   I came to work and found signs plastered in my office and on my door and a cake and peanut M&M's and a few cards ( two that were exactly the same-figured that was just a jab at my memory, haha).  I will be decorating tomorrow at YGBOI for Christmas and have made some effort to suggest activities for the evening and have little to no response so either something is up and he has actually planned something or, he hasn't a clue.  Oh well, it is just 60 but I will promise I will be laughing and enjoying the day regardless. Making it a great day!  Make your day and seize the moment!!!!! :} S
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Since Ron was watching football....

11/14/2011

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Since Ron was watching football and I rarely watch more than 10-15 minutes of that at a time, I found that I was channel surfing in another room. I can't imagine how I don't drive him nuts when I have control of the remote as I will flip back and forth and may even watch one or two or even three programs at a time. It makes me nuts that all the stations take a station  break at the same time so that I must miss some of the programs I am watching. Yesterday, I was trying to be nice though as he had mowed the leaves in the yard(his  version of getting rid of leaves) and had also gone up on our new steel roof to take the leaves out of the gutter. I refused to go watch and it was good that I didn't as he told me how he slid down the roof and almost off but went ot the porch roof which is flatter and down. So after his trials and tribulations, I decided he deserved a break and could watch his football uninterrupted.
I headed to the other room and found myself fixated on the old tv show -MASH.  What an extraordinary program and as I watched, I realized it was the last episode and I cried as each recounted what would be next in their lives and the attachments that had been made along the way.  It highlighted the strengths and weaknesses and human fraility among us all.  Someone recently said to me that I was an inspiration and I am not telling you this to brag but to tell you my discomfort with the statement. I am no hero now or ever will be. I can be angry, sad, depressed, I have my terrible moments and my silly ones, my body has been hit by gravity and I don't always eat right nor do I care. I may not ever give up chocolate or even an occasional wine.  I worry as much and probably more than many mothers and I turn to faith but I am not always strong.  I can talk the talk but may not always walk the walk.  I panic at some silly things and brave some other crazier things, I have low self esteem on some days and other  days I can conquer any obstacle. I need love and acceptance like every other human on this planet and I hope I can help someone along the way.  The MASH show demonstrated all of those raw moments that we all have and how diversity among us actually can bring us together under such strange circumstances.
Cancer is one of those circumstances.  I made it through the first time and I see others who had to work so much harder and yet still those that continue to fight and some that are losing the battle.  I see their strengh and hope and also their despair and fear.
Many will say that as much as they hate coming for treatment, that when it is over, they miss coming here as we have shared a bond, a moment in time, and part of their lives. That to me is a privilege as we shelter so much of who we really are.  I have many private parts of me that few have ever known.  I keep them inside and deal with them each day when and if they rear their ugly head.  I strive to do and be better each day and hold on to hope in all circumstances.  My faith is strong and yet at times weak as I question and fear.  When it is all said and done, I want to sit around with those that have been in my life and tell them the importance and impact on my life and what gifts they have given me along the way to make me the person I am.   I will continue to cry, doubt, be down on those occasions and will also pull myself up and reach out.  Look around, there are amazing people all around you, just waiting to tell their story and share their lives, just open the door and don't flip through those channels and miss the important parts of the program. Great day to be made, by you and me!
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Dancing

11/10/2011

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Years ago, there was a group of us that took ballroom dancing together and we never came close to being on Dancing With The Stars but I will say it was alot of laughs and some tears. Connie taught us and bless her heart, she never laughed although we all did.  It is amazing how out of sync you can be as a couple and Connie always said if the man stepped on your feet it is your fault.  I found that amusing since he was the one doing the stepping.  We took many classes and did start to improve and actually move  together but I will admit that even the posture was difficult and hold and not to look at your feet and trust in your partner to guide you. Ron and I learned that I dance on the upbeat and he dances on the downbeat.  Difficult and yet quite amusing for others. There were times I thought we would kill each other and when you looked at the grace and style of others it was heartrendering. OUCH and double OUCH!  We had one couple that danced with us that no one wanted to dance beside as they were always off and all it took was a look over and you were out of time with them and everyone.  There were mirrors and nothing is worse than watching yourself in the mirror.  I was never Nancy Grace nor was I ever Kirstie Allie.  Ron wasn't Max either or Derrick Hough.  Our last class that we took, as a group we went to a second hand store and bought prom dresses, shoes, shirts, jackets, ties and dressed up. We laughed so hard we cried and after we had our prom afterglow at Perkin's and what a sight to behold. Everyone was watching to see if we were for real or what was really happening. We all had a great time and to be honest, no alcohol was involved.  What we have since found is that we know enough to be dangerous, don't remember enough to start, and feel too awkward to go back to the way we were dancing before we started it all.  Try  keeping  a group of crazy adults focused and dancing, no easy task.  We developed a new appreciation of many things and most of all,each other for even attempting the impossible. Ron is a man's man and the fact that he would leave his sports arena and try was a miracle and I praise him for his efforts. Would we do it again, probably but I guarantee it would be as hard to get back to it again?  We still laugh about the adventure and difficulties along the way. Hmmm, sounds like we stepped out of the box (figuratively - waltz box) and took new steps.  It is alot like coming out from the experience of cancer.  Despite the difficulties, there are tears and laughter and growth  and appreciation. We face the curve balls, try to make the best of the situation and attempt to gracefully go through life.  It helps to know as you look around that others are experiencing similar difficulties at different times and as a group you band together.  I hope this brought a smile to your face and maybe a look back at how far you have come. Great day, always! S
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Turkey cooking

11/9/2011

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IS there any better smell than turkey cooking as it travels though the house? It is important to talk to your nurse or dietitian about what foods to eat and bring your list of questions to your appointment with you likes and dislikes of food and recipes.  During treatment it is especially important to eat plenty of protein and calories when you can and to eat when you have the biggest appetite. I found for me during treatment that I did much better with small frequent meals rather than try to wolf down a whole meal three times a day. IT became like Christmas shopping when you walk into the store and you can't even see anything as there is just too much out on display.  That is what I saw when I would sit down to eat with everyone and so much food that I could all but shut down and not want anything to eat. The other things is to get the most bang for your buck. You don't want to eat just empty calories either in food or drink but what you do eat to give you the best nutrition you can take at that time. I always figure whatever I eat, pick the best for the beginning so that I am putting the right amount of fuel and enough of it into my body. Now with the holidays fast approaching, it is far easier to eat those things that are not power packed but possibly fat and sugar packed.  I look at small servings that I can handle and if I want more, I go back for more and drinking plenyt of fluids will help your body. Now I didn't say sugar coated, high caffeine drinks and if fruit juice is too strong or sweet, cut it with half of it being water added.  Again during treatment it is important to scrub all fruits and vegetables and even the outside of those items that may have a rough surface before you cut into it like a melon.  Always put leftovers into the refrigerator as soon as you are done eating. I recall growing up that food could sit out quite awhile till all parties had left and now I try to get them into the refrigerator as soon as possible.  Check out that old refrig too and get rid of old and outdated foods just as you should your cupboards including cake mixes, canned goods and more.  Finally, don't be surprised if your taste buds change during treatment. I found that there are some things I still don't eat since treatment as the taste is not the same.  I am also not one for a buffet and especially the salad bar type that has the cover over it that you can neither reach over or see through.  I also watch closely for experiration dates on drinks as well.  The gallons of milk that we used to go through in a day has dwindled with the kids growing up and moving out and often I can get to the end of the week and have to see if I need to pitch the milk or not.  (I have become lactose intolerant). Milk is great to cook with and add into but I no longer drink milk but get my milk in various other ways.  It may be necessary to have food cooked when you are not in the house so that the smell does not offend you and then use it later. Marinating food can help improve flavor and I know for a fact I like foods with flavor, not necessarily hot spicey, just lots of flavor.  There are alot of ways to help improve your eating and don't be afraid to ask.  You may find new things you have never tried before and it is ok to start small. Just remember get the most bang for your buck and enjoy the coming holidays. Making it a great day! S
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November is upon us

11/7/2011

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Time to organize and conquer. The holidays are coming which means shopping, cooking, cleaning, company and admist all that activity, it also means expectations.  These expectations are not only from us but also from others. Kids come home and expect their favorite dishes and that they can step back in time to when they were living at home and life was easier in many ways.  Families expect the Norman Rockwell picture of home for the holidays and family all getting together. Unfortunately, we can't make everything picture perfect even if we try. Not everyone will be able to come home or even want to. Some have family commitments elsewhere or just want to start their own traditions. It gets so hectic that we forget to sit down and just enjoy the time.  I stop and look at those that are going through rough times, whether financially, socially, physically and so many other  ways and maybe there is just nothing left to pour into making it the holiday you dream about.  Families that are facing the possible loss of a family member to poor health issues and although we want to make it like it has always been, there is the elephant in the room.  How do you talk about the difficult things, what do you to say to someone facing those issues, how to support families that are dealing with those things? I wish I had the answer and the skill to make it easier or better. The best gift you can give though without a doubt is: Time and Listening.  Come to think of it, isn't that what we all need or want? Someone to listen and just spend some time with you.  So maybe this year the outdoor wreaths don't go up and maybe I won't spend infinite amounts of time making cookies that the birds eventually eat and maybe I will just go and sit and listen.  If I get too caught up and too tired out it is time for me to take time for myself so that I can share the best I have to give. Sometimes you just need to refill your own needs so that you can better fill others.  Turn the TV off, get up and go out for a walk, listen to the sounds of living and treat yourself and others gently and with kindness and time.  Make it a great day!
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Reach To Recovery

11/3/2011

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For more than 40 years, the American Cancer Society's Reach to Recovery program has helped people (female and male) cope with their breast cancer experience. This experience begins when someone is faced with the possibility of a breast cancer diagnosis and continues throughout the entire period that breast cancer remains a personal concern.

When people first find out they have breast cancer, they may feel overwhelmed, vulnerable, and alone. While under this stress, many people must also learn about and try to understand complex medical treatments and then choose the best one.

Talking with a specially trained Reach to Recovery volunteer at this time can give a measure of comfort and an opportunity for emotional grounding and informed decision-making. Volunteers are breast cancer survivors who give patients and family members an opportunity to express feelings, talk about fears and concerns, and ask questions of someone who is knowledgeable and level-headed. Most importantly, Reach to Recovery volunteers offer understanding, support, and hope because they themselves have survived breast cancer and gone on to live normal, productive lives.

How it works Through face-to-face visits or by phone, Reach to Recovery volunteers give support for:

  • People recently diagnosed with breast cancer
  • People facing a possible diagnosis of breast cancer
  • Those interested in or who have undergone a lumpectomy or mastectomy
  • Those considering breast reconstruction
  • Those who have lymphedema
  • Those who are undergoing or who have completed treatment such as chemotherapy and radiation therapy
  • People facing breast cancer recurrence or metastasis (the spread of cancer to another part of the body)
Volunteers are trained to give support and up-to-date information, including literature for spouses, children, friends, and other loved ones. Volunteers can also, when appropriate, provide breast cancer patients with a temporary breast form and information on types of permanent prostheses, as well as lists of where those items are available within a patient's community. No products are endorsed.

For more information or to locate a Reach to Recovery program in your area, visit "In Your Area" on the AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY Web site at www.cancer.org or call  toll-free at 1-800-227-2345.

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Now it is November, what is next....

11/1/2011

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Breast Cancer Awareness Month is now over. The Pink inside YGBOI is fading rapidly and as we start towards the holidays, we are reminded that we continue to strive to eradicate breast cancer and focus on all the other cancers that are out there as well and continue to look for answers.. This month now is lung and pancreas and it goes on. Let us not ever loose sight of what lies ahead and our role in making a difference.  Someone asked me what the difference between doubt and disbelief was in regards to faith and my response was when you doubt  it  allows hope but when your doubt  leads to pervasive negativity therein lies disbelief.  I accept the doubt but I don't affirm it and my hope persists.  I maintain that hope must prevail and that we continue to strive for answers and better treatments and better outcomes. Sometimes the deck seems heavily laden and maybe not so in the direction we want.  Often you hear, God does not give you more than you can handle, and my thoughts are those that are expressing those thoughts have never faced true diversity. I don't believe that the bad things come from a higher power.  I do believe it may be the only lifeline at at time when you feel you are drowning to turn to that higher power.  Sometimes there are no answers but my hope continues.  Each day brings new opportunities and even if I don't have the answer to it all, we can all listen, feel, love, and share compassion.  That is what is next, caring for one another and with that comes hope. MAKE IT A GREAT DAY!
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    Author

    My name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania.

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