Had a call night before last from a very dear friend that I have known since grade school. She has throughout her life experienced many extremely difficult times and I often just sit and listen just to provide support. After close to an hour about her problems in life she then proceeded to tell me the story of a friend of hers and all the problems that he was going through. Again I listened. After close to two hours on the phone, I was mentally exhausted and found myself trying to find ways to end this downward spiral but what words of wisdom could I share. My life is relatively good, oh trust me, we have all been tested and some of my most difficult battles have yet to be won and there were times I didn't even want to pull my head up off the pillow and as I scanned my brain to find what I might say to pull her up, I found myself looking for ways to end the conversation. People may look at the outside and think your life is grand or you may do that to others but don't ever compare yourself or life to others as we really don't have any idea what goes on behind those closed doors and what their journey is about. Often,l am not sure what mine is about! Just when things settle down something comes in and upsets the apple cart and I never know what it will be next. I have always considered myself fairly healthy but when I look at the things I have experienced in life, alot has happened to the point if anything new pops up, I probably will just keep my mouth shut and keep going. I have learned that at 60, everyone has had major issues to deal with and we are all doing the best we can to cope and move on. Sometimes, somebody does need to come by and kick you in the behind to get you going again or maybe today you just need to get it all out be it a good cry or a volleyball game to get rid of all that negative emotion. I know that is we dwell on something that it does allow it to grow and I also know if you don't feel heard that you have to keep repeating it until you are relieved of the burden and can move on. My regulator was always my dad and I miss that. He was the one person that I could take that kick in the behind from and get back on track or be told I am way off base and get to what I need to be focusing on. He was also the glue that held this family together. This Christmas, we didn't even see my brother and two of my nephews and their kids and we all live in the same town. I often here my sister say, that family can do it and is all together, why can't we do that. Again, we are looking from the outside in. I guarantee that people have looked at our group at times and said that we were so lucky that we could hold the family together. I know my life won't be what my parents had. I have five kids and they are scattered and I am not just talking a little bit. One is in Fl, one is in Rochester, one is in Germany, one in NC, and one in Idaho and two of those are moving in the next couple of months. There is no short trip of over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. We do our best to keep us together and to cherish the times we have but isn't that what anyone should be doing at any point and time.You have to make time and find a way to keep those lines of communication open and if you need a change in your direction, hopefully someone will love you enough to guide you. Our patients that come here are also looking for that guidance. I hear it so often when someone receives a diagnosis of cancer that they ask the doctor what he would do if it was his wife or sister or brother or husband... and so forth. Know that somewhere along your path that their will be guidance and that faith will keep you going. Have you ever met some angels here on earth? The ones that deliver your tea to you after you got the wrong thing, or the person that called just on the day you needed that reinforcement. You are not alone....Make it a good day! S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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