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Ok, so how many of you have stepped on the scale for 2012 and vowed you will do differently? I for one have not, too depressing if you ask me but I can make modifications that I know will help in the long run. I am not a big eater anymore by any means. I often will eat a side salad and either share and entree with Ron or cut it in half right as soon as it is served and ask to have the rest boxed. Even if I don't eat it later, I paid for it and either Ron will get it later or worse case scenario, the dogs will. They have developed tastes for salads and vegetables and even mashed potatoes. Exercise is not my favorite word although I like to walk, I won't walk outside when I have to test traffic and play chicken with them or if it is too icy or snow too deep so that leaves it for inside or something even more silly is that while I am cooking or doing something else like being a homemaker, I will be dancing or running up and down the cellar steps. Quite the sight, I might add! Now the question that comes up alot is about alcohol. There are many different suggestions in this and it does carry alot of calories so I always will drink water in addition to whatever ever liquid libation I am taking in at the time and I might reduce it by adding Fresca or something else with less calories and less volume of alcohol. That then leads me to increasing fruits and vegetables in my diet and I go for trying new things. I don't need alot but there are so many fruits and vegetables in the markets that we never were able to get growing up so why not try one each week? I like star fruit and avocadoes and I even tried kumquat. It is an adventure or at least I will make it an adventure. I have to fool myself as I am tired of the same old things and something new is fun and challenging, although brussel sprouts still won't make it into my mouth as I despise them. In fact that is what I named my cancer when I was diagnosed so that tells you how much I really loathe them. I will never profess to having all the answers or maybe even any but I say we have to give the old college try and step out of the box or you will always get what you always got and however the rest of it goes. You maybe only lost one pound or you only did one thing better but each step brings you closer and you don't fell like a total failure if you try. So come on folks, step up and step out. Smile, knowing that we are all in the same boat and make it a great day!
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Had a call night before last from a very dear friend that I have known since grade school. She has throughout her life experienced many extremely difficult times and I often just sit and listen just to provide support. After close to an hour about her problems in life she then proceeded to tell me the story of a friend of hers and all the problems that he was going through. Again I listened. After close to two hours on the phone, I was mentally exhausted and found myself trying to find ways to end this downward spiral but what words of wisdom could I share. My life is relatively good, oh trust me, we have all been tested and some of my most difficult battles have yet to be won and there were times I didn't even want to pull my head up off the pillow and as I scanned my brain to find what I might say to pull her up, I found myself looking for ways to end the conversation. People may look at the outside and think your life is grand or you may do that to others but don't ever compare yourself or life to others as we really don't have any idea what goes on behind those closed doors and what their journey is about. Often,l am not sure what mine is about! Just when things settle down something comes in and upsets the apple cart and I never know what it will be next. I have always considered myself fairly healthy but when I look at the things I have experienced in life, alot has happened to the point if anything new pops up, I probably will just keep my mouth shut and keep going. I have learned that at 60, everyone has had major issues to deal with and we are all doing the best we can to cope and move on. Sometimes, somebody does need to come by and kick you in the behind to get you going again or maybe today you just need to get it all out be it a good cry or a volleyball game to get rid of all that negative emotion. I know that is we dwell on something that it does allow it to grow and I also know if you don't feel heard that you have to keep repeating it until you are relieved of the burden and can move on. My regulator was always my dad and I miss that. He was the one person that I could take that kick in the behind from and get back on track or be told I am way off base and get to what I need to be focusing on. He was also the glue that held this family together. This Christmas, we didn't even see my brother and two of my nephews and their kids and we all live in the same town. I often here my sister say, that family can do it and is all together, why can't we do that. Again, we are looking from the outside in. I guarantee that people have looked at our group at times and said that we were so lucky that we could hold the family together. I know my life won't be what my parents had. I have five kids and they are scattered and I am not just talking a little bit. One is in Fl, one is in Rochester, one is in Germany, one in NC, and one in Idaho and two of those are moving in the next couple of months. There is no short trip of over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. We do our best to keep us together and to cherish the times we have but isn't that what anyone should be doing at any point and time.You have to make time and find a way to keep those lines of communication open and if you need a change in your direction, hopefully someone will love you enough to guide you. Our patients that come here are also looking for that guidance. I hear it so often when someone receives a diagnosis of cancer that they ask the doctor what he would do if it was his wife or sister or brother or husband... and so forth. Know that somewhere along your path that their will be guidance and that faith will keep you going. Have you ever met some angels here on earth? The ones that deliver your tea to you after you got the wrong thing, or the person that called just on the day you needed that reinforcement. You are not alone....Make it a good day! S
What a great time with family and friends! I enjoyed the time but it was crazy.... Got people in and out better than we hoped and even got a sleigh ride in although there was minimum snow, it still was great fun. Woke up this morning to a drive full of snow. Pop went out and snow blowed so I could get out of the drive and just as I was coming to the end of the drive, you guessed it... the snow plough came through and we had to do a little readjusting. I made it to work although it took me over a half hour which is double what it normally takes. There have been cancellations and rescheduling and I must admit, I don't blame anyone. This is not the day to be out testing your driving skills. Winter has hit with a vengence but what can we expect? We live in Northwest Pennsylvania. This will certainly take care of my daffodils as they were up about an inch and the deer have been rumaging in our back yard since yesterday and all night as well. Ron even had to plough a path for the dogs so they could do their business. All the while, my daughter in Florida is taunting us with the fact she was heading to the pool.(I seriously doubt it but she liked to rub it in.) I hope the holiday was everything you hoped it would be and more and now we are back to dealing with the issues at hand. It is time to support those that are supporting others and caring for those that need our help. This was never out of mind but temporarily we were all preoccupied with the moment of the season. Our tree is down and lights are down from outside and now it is just getting through the winter as best we can. Having said all that and all the positive things...how are you doing? Are you angry and have you ever expressed your anger to your higher power? Trust me, it is ok to do so.. we are human and your higher power can take it. I guess I learned growing up that in my faith it was more often heard that you fear your higher power( I am using "higher power" so as to include everyone's beliefs). No one really has all the answers and those that profess they do are just guessing. We are all seeking peace and acceptance. It is hard to understand that we have free will but yet we have been given special gifts and if that can happen, why then can't we get rid of illnesses, wars, poverty and the like? I don't understand nor do I have the answers but I continue to seek out answers and listen and pray. I can't say I have ever been mad or angry at my higher power but I have had doubts. Would I be cast out or even destroyed if I verbalized my doubts or anger? I don't understand that anymore than how the world started or what all has happened through time but I continue to have faith and know that I need that in my life. Without faith, I am lost, I am human and I need that presence in my life. Sometimes it is just good to sit and listen, even if it is quiet. I have felt love and acceptance in some of the worse times of my life and that is what keeps me going. It may not be in my timing but I will continue to be open, listen, and pray. This I do regardless. I have conquered many obstacles and some have even beat me but on this new year... I hope you have faith and will be recharged by those that care and are around you. Make it a great day! S
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AuthorMy name is Sue Kilburn and I am a clinical nurse breast cancer educator at the Yolanda G. Barco Oncology Institute in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Archives
March 2015
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